Green to Silver The Journal of Draco Malfoy
by Bunny-kuo
Summary: *complete*- Just his everlasting gaze makes me wrap up my world into a box with a silk ribbon to hand to him. And i did. ~G to S
1. Entry 1

Disclaimer: ::grits teeth:: I'm not JK Rowling. Do not sue me.  
  
AN: This is a repost of G to S. All my fics got deleted so I have to re- upload them. Yes, they are all gone. And so are all my reviews. I apologize profusely and will update this fic daily. I'm trying to recover my diary for harry and the last few chapters of this fic. If the fic slightly changes, I'm sorry again.  
  
ff.net deleted my account. Grrrrr. So this is my new one.  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Today in Double Potions, Uncle Severus paired me up with Harry Potter. Harry Potter. The Boy I Want to Fuck. His messy hair that always looks so rumpled as if he just rolled out of bed, and his brilliant green eyes that always burn with such a passion. His skin looks so soft and it glows in the dungeon's torchlight. Seeing him just makes me want to jump on him from behind and screw him into the ground. But i know better. After Harry- Hunting for six years i've realized that Potter isn't the type of guy who would jump into bed on a first date, much less the first year. He's so innocent and naive i would bet he's never had his first kiss. I plan to change that soon. Unfortunately, i am beginning to think that his gorgeousness is making up for his lack of brain.  
  
I find it so extremely sexy when he's clueless. I had casually leaned over and whispered into his ears in a manner which the whole of Hogwarts would find seductive and he didn't even blink an eye. I brushed my hands over his and casually helped him with the potion while making snide, bitter remarks. Could he not feel the tingle? I even went as far as to brush my lips against his neck. He didn't even shiver. What the hell is wrong with the boy?! Could he not feel my nimble fingers, my soft lips, or my sweet whispers? How could he be immune to my powers or seduction? I'm going crazy with frustration.  
  
I've been foreplaying for six years and nothing has come out of it except dirty glances and spiteful snarls of, "Malfoy." from him and his Mudblood, dirt poor friends. Oh how i despise the Mudblood and the Weasel. I wonder what they do when i can't see them? If Harry weren't so pure i would suspect them of having menage a trois or him and the Weasel having a clandestine affair. Or him snogging Granger. Oh bloody bollocks i've begun to imagine it. Stupid fucks. They don't deserve Harry. Harry's mine. I should be the one touching him, caressing him. Kissing him.  
  
Vince and Greg just looked at my strangely. I think i might have growled outloud. I wish i were growling in other ways right now with Potter. My sex drive hasn't been exercised for some time now. Hmmm...I wonder if Blaise is up for a shag? I think the silly bloke might be in love with me. Poor Zabini.  
  
Hopefully i no longer have to shag with him any longer. It's time to take action. It's time to take Harry Potter. It's time for a plan.  
  
A plan involving a storage closet and roses.  
  
I think it's time for a smirk.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
~TBC~  
  
Endnote: Again I'm sorry. Will you please review though ::puppy dog eyes:: 


	2. Entry 2

FF.NET DELETED MY ACCOUNT. REPOST OF G to S _ Sorry for any inconvenience. (a copy of G to S has been located: G to S is also posted at one of my blogs draco-malfoy.blogspot.com. I can't believe I forgot about that *^^*)  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
I think i'm going to die tonight. I'm saying my final goodbyes and farewells on this page right now before i go throw myself off the roof of the astronomy tower or just Avada Kedavra myself.  
  
I put my plan in effect today right after dinner. I made sure the Mudblood and the Weasel went on some hormonal induced snogging stupor (thank you Uncle for that handy potion), I followed (no, i did not stalk) Harry down a corridor in my sneakily, sexy, and catlike grace and then pulled him into a neatly placed storage closet. I quickly locked the door and pinned Potter to the wall.  
  
He gasped and struggled in fear demanding to know what the hell i was doing.  
  
I shushed him with a slender finger and had basically confessed the deepest secrets of my heart to him.  
  
Okay, i just kissed him, but still, the kiss was my soul. Everything i had ever felt for my raven haired beauty was in that kiss.  
  
His lips were so soft and he tasted of pumpkin juice and pudding. So incredibly sweet. I wound my fingers into his hair. It was definitely made for grabbing.  
  
He moaned protests beneath me and tried to wriggle free. His wriggling felt so good. I could feel my arousal pressing against him. I was so sure...I was so sure that he wanted me as much as i wanted him. I was positive that he was only trying to push away from the shock. Boy, was i wrong.  
  
He shoved me away as hard as possible and he said these exact words that i will never forget. Not after i die and float away and live forever in the boys toilet crying piteously. Not ever.  
  
"Get the fuck away from me, Malfoy. You are disgusting. What the hell do you think you're doing anyway?! No wait. I don't want to know. You're not even worth my time."  
  
My lips had begun to quiver at those words. You're not even worth my time. All of MY time was devoted to him. Every waking minute of my life spent thinking of his very existence, of him. And filled with hopes of him and me. Together. I was crushed and a lone tear began to slide down my cheek as i had slumped against the wall defeated. I let him, Harry Potter, of my hidden shame and desires. He had thrown everything i felt away. He stared at me and paused for a few seconds, his Gryfinndor nobility streak kicking in. It didn't kick in all the way. Of course not. I wasn't worth his time. He just turned away on his heel and left.  
  
Now, here i am, writing. Tell you all this. Potter will never know what he caused me tonight. He will never know that it was his face, his beautiful face that i last thought of. That beautiful face glaring at me with such hatred. No, he would never know. With this, i bid you adieu, farewell. Today is the end of what the world knew of as Draco Malfoy. Now, i'm going to grab my invisibility cloak and go up to the astronomy tower. Let everyone see my mangled body in the morning.  
  
Goodbye world and good riddance.  
  
I love you Harry Potter.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
~TBC~  
  
::points to review button with a sad face::  
  
Thanks for all those that reviewed (And all my previous reviewers too. I'm so sorry that Harry's Journal won't be out for a while now. ~_~) 


	3. Entry 3

Much love and thanks to Moonchild and James for a copy of my fics ^_^  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
I woke up today in a strange white room. I found myself slumped against a soft-padded and squishy wall with something tight binding me. Everything around me was agonizingly white. I stayed there for what seemed like forever. Leaning against the white wall. Waiting and just watching as time flew right by me. Later, a man in a white uniform unlocked the door and pushed me roughly into the wall and stuck a needle in me. I felt myself slipping into darkness and my eyelids fall heavily upon my face.  
  
When i had awoken again my nose filled with the faint and familiar smell of the Hogwarts Hospital Wing. I openned my eyes to find my uncle peering at me nervously looking at me as though i were about to break. It was then when i had suddenly realized that something was very wrong.  
  
I wasn't supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to be anywhere. I was supposed to be lying on the ground in a twisted, bloody heap after jumping off the astronomy tower roof.  
  
But instead i was in the Hospital Wing being handled like a piece of glass. I heard bits and pieces of the conversation around me.  
  
"Mentally unstable." "Unconcious." "Memory lapses."Memory lapses? No. I remember everything quite well.  
  
I remember Potter pushing me away yesterday (or was it the day before) and verbally slapping me in my face.  
  
I remember making the long trek up to the astronomy tower late at night pulling my invisibility cloak tighter around me in a weak attempt to keep warm.  
  
I remember climbing out onto the roof and throwing off my cloak and the feel of the wind whipping my hair into my face.  
  
I remember closing my eyes as i took a step off thinking of Harry and only Harry. His eyes and his jet black hair. Gravity doing it's duty and spiralling me off downwards.  
  
I even remember thinking so vividly of Potter that i could swear i heard his voice cutting through the icy air. "Malfoy!" He had shouted.  
  
And then i remember blackness.  
  
Oh yes, i remember everything quite well. I just don't remember how i had ended up being led back into my dorm and am now currently writing in this journal.  
  
For someone who should be dead that is quite an astonishing feat. Except i'm not dead. Why?  
  
How the hell had i ended up in my dorm writing in this journal?  
  
What in the name of fuckwittage had happened?  
  
Bloody hell, there's an owl tapping at my window.  
  
Bloody hell, it's a letter from Dumbledore and he wants to see me.  
  
Oh bollocks.  
  
~Draco Malfoy, confused beyond belief.  
  
~TBC~  
  
::points to review button with a sad face:: Thanks to all those who reviewed! 


	4. Entry 4

Dear Journal,  
  
Father as always told me about the point in your life where there will be a fork in the middle of the road and you have to choose between two sides. I think that somewhere along the way my life skipped over that stage and became one of those Muggle contraptions called a "conveyor belt" that i saw at London once when Mum was off on a mad shopping expedition. I remember her buying me my first tight pair of leather pants. Father just about threw a fit. He told me i looked like a blooming poofter. I thought i looked damned Sexy.  
  
Anyway, here i am on my conveyor belt life that's slowly moving in the only direction that i don't want it to go. A bleak, miserable, Potter-less life where death would be the only escape, but yet it is blocked up with a bunch of bricks that i can't move out of the way.  
  
My visit to Dumbledore only furthur convinced me of this horrible fate.  
  
I had walked up to the entrance and muttered some childish password about candy. I was led up to a sweeping spiral staircase that i might have admired and begged Father for one exactly like it, but i was too nervous and confused at the time to really notice.  
  
Upon entering Dumbledore motioned me to take a seat and i did. Uncle and McGonnagall were there perched on a love seat. I had almost snickered suggestively until i noticed Potter was sitting on a chair next to me. He was staring at me with those Eyes wearing a strange and unreadable expression.  
  
They think i'm insane and once again they think that Potter is God.  
  
My Uncle had carefully explained to me what had happened. He was still speaking to me as though i were going to break apart in any given moment or go insane and throw myself out of the office window.  
  
He told me that i had climbed out the Tower window during a roaring storm not a few days past. Potter had been sitting on a nearby ledge by my chosen window on one of the blatant Potter favoritism privileges to stay out past his bedtime. He had apparently saw whip off my cloak with grandeur and step out into the pouring rain. He saw me take a step closer and closer to the edge and he himself and climbed out to stare at me in perverse fascination as i finally took the final step off spinning towards my final destination.  
  
He had shouted my name as i fell.  
  
I remember that being the last thing i heard as the blood pounding in my ears from the quick rush made everything fade to gray and black.  
  
Uncle told me that he had shouted a quick slowing spell seconds before i touched the ground.  
  
He had run immediately to Dumbledore and they had come out and saw me sprawled unelegantly in a twisted, unconcious heap, lying in the mud. I was barely bruised or bloodied but nonetheless out cold.  
  
They had first taken me to the Hospital Wing, cleaned me up, and slipped me sedatives.  
  
They went to my dorm and found this journal. And they fucking read it.  
  
Making up their minds that i was truly crazy i was taken to Saint Mungo's and put on suicide watch for 24 hours before returning back to the hospital where i lay before escorted to my dorm.  
  
I'm not allowed into place of high elevation without supervision. Wand use would be supervised and usage of any self tortuous objects removed from my grasp. They didn't remove Potter as under the list of self tortuous objects.  
  
They know all my secrets, my heart, and my soul. They have taken away the one thing that they think they tried to save. My life. And they have deemed my life almost unworthy. Crazy. Delusional. Unstable. They probably would have revoked me Head Boy position if- - - -  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Oh. My. Fucking. Gods.  
  
My heart is bleeding. Again. Stabbed and slashed into pieces by the only person that can make it all go away. Why must he constantly torture me and hate me when all i ever did was love him. Hand him my life where he had given it back and then take it away again. He had read my journal and in the back of my heart i had sincerely believed that he had felt the same way too and that we were meant to be together. I had hoped and prayed that he would suddenly press his body up against mine and whisper huskily that he loved me back and wanted me the way i wanted him.  
  
When he appeared behind me to kidnap me from my dorm and pulled me into the empty Prefects corridor i thought that my prayers had been answered. He had looked at me with that same unreadable expression, his eyelashes fluttering. He hands were wringing in a sweet, nervous way. And i knew that he was going to say the words i had been longing for him to say. He didn't say them. Instead he practically slapped me with a cold wave of ice water.  
  
"Malfoy, I know how you feel about me." My heart had stopped. He was going to tell me that he loved me too.  
  
"But..." My heart dropped to my feet. But what?  
  
"I just wanted to. . . needed to, let you know that I don't um, feel the same way. Hell. I'm not even gay. And maybe one day we can be friends but for now, i just needed to tell you that i could never reciprocate your feelings. I don't even like you, and could much less even love you. I'm sorry." With those biting words, he turned away.  
  
He left me again, heartbroken and in despair. Sobbing against the stone walls, and beating the ground.  
  
Why the hell had he saved me if he were going to kill me again? And then again.  
  
And all i ever did was love him.  
  
I just wish. I just hope. And i just pray that even for just one moment in time he could love me back. And hold me the way i wish to hold him. Caress me. Kiss me as if nothing else mattered. Whisper those three small words into my ear.  
  
All i have now are dreams.  
  
~Draco Malfoy  
  
  
  
~TBC~  
  
Please review ^_^ Thanks to all those who reviewed (chappies 1-3):  
  
CrystalHorse72 (Ron?! Cute?! I think not ^_~ but that's okay. More Ronniekins for you, ne? heehee), Megharts, lunaledafe, BlancheMalfoy, Pepsi, Moonchild, Madame Berserker, squeebat, Ravishingly Discreet (well we all hate the concept of Draco loving someone, as we all know that he should love me. But if he has to love anyone other tham myself it might as well be Harry *^^*), zara, harrypotterfreak  
  
Thankies!!! ::huggles:: 


	5. Entry 5

Dear Journal,  
  
Today i really died. The tiny part of me that was alive before, the smallest flicker of hope, the little snatch of my soul, is gone. Oh yes, i'm still living and breathing, moving about, but my actions are futile. Meaningless. I don't even feel the burning anger and jealousy anymore. I can't even feel the fiery love for Potter anymore. I don't even have enough drive in my to throw myself off the edge of a cliff even if i wanted to.  
  
And how i want to. How i want to just end it all now. To dive into darkness and never have to feel pain again. The pain my heart is continously in, always bleeding. The pain my mind is in, almost insane. The pain my body feels to not ever be touched. And when touched, my body feels cold and like ice. Always disgusted with myself afterwards.  
  
Harry Potter has a girlfriend. I don't know how i could have missed it before. The loving actions, the gestures, and the meaningful looks.  
  
I saw him fucking kissing that little Weasel slut in the hallways today on one of my depressed wanderings.  
  
Watching that kiss felt like a Dementor had latched it's freezing lips onto mine and sucked my soul out of me. I finally realized that Harry would never love me. He loves some other and his heart is being pulled towards another. Not towards me. Never towards me.  
  
He had his hands around her waist and was rubbing her back gently, his eyes dancing with such happiness i had never felt. Her face was leaned up into his, waiting, and anticipating. Her arms around his neck bringing him even closer as he leaned in and kissed her.  
  
And i watched that kiss, like some fucking voyeur. It seemed like lifetimes had passed and gone before they stopped. Oh, how i wished i was her. To have Potter looking at me with those emerald jewels, his very expression telling me that he Loved me. To have his hands caressing my hair lovingly, his kisses sweet and gentle, innocent. To be touched lovingly, not just out of lust. A kiss for pleasure, not just a prelude to a fast fucking afterwards.  
  
I wonder if they've made love. Not fucked, had sex, but made love. If they have, i hope it wasn't anything like my first time. Painful, bloody, and the very opposite of sweet.  
  
I've died today, my soul gone. Now i'm just a hollow and empty shell. I've already given my heart to Potter and now i'm giving him my soul. My future happiness is his. I don't need to be happy, i don't need to feel alive. I'll just sit here on the sidelines, a skeleton made of flesh and watch Harry laughing and being happy. Feeding his girlfriend cherries, watching the sunrise and set with her, sharing a bed with her. Not with me, never with me.  
  
I love Potter so much. As long as he's happy, i'll be happy. I don't think i could stand it if he were upset. I used to pray that he'll love me back, but now i think i'll pray that the Weasel girl doesn't break his heart. Harry's heart wasn't meant for breaking, it was meant for loving. If she hurts him i swear to Merlin i'll kill her with my bare hands.  
  
I hope they're happy together. No wait, i know they're happy together. In the hallway today, i saw what Love was before my very eyes. And pity. I saw what pity was.  
  
Pity is me. The lonely boy in the stands watching the one person he loves, has ever loved, love another.  
  
Harry looked at me today. When he was holding that girl, he looked up and into my eyes. I don't know if they were filled with tears or if they were just empty, devoid of any emotion. He looked up at me and his expression of love changed into one of pity. Of sadness. For me.  
  
That's all he'll ever give me. Pity.  
  
It's the most he can ever give me. I've given him my heart, my soul, my love, and my happiness.  
  
He's given me pity.  
  
That's the most i can ever ask for from him.  
  
~Draco. Just Draco.  
  
  
  
~TBC~  
  
Please review ^_^ Thanks to all those who reviewed! 


	6. Entry 6

Dear Journal,  
  
I am so fucking angry i can barely write. Each word is tasking to put down onto parchment as my hand is trembling from my black wrath so much. This very hand that i am using to pen this entry is going to be the very hand that shall strangle the little bint that i have now named the Weasley Whore with.  
  
I had already accepted her relationship with Harry. Their love. Practically supported it and figuratively waved little Harry and Ginny Forever flags around wherever i went. As long as my Harry was happy, i would be able to drink my happiness from that.  
  
Apparently not anymore. Unfortunately, Harry is happy no longer due to a much horrid incidence not just ten minutes ago in the Charms corridor.  
  
I was out one another one of my walks, with my hands shoved deep into my pockets and my thoughts dreaming about the pair of emerald eyes that i would never gaze into lovingly.  
  
All of a sudden, i felt someone push me into a wall. I looked right up into the lustful blue eyes of Weasley Whore.  
  
Oh Gods. Her body was pressed against mine and i was so shocked i couldn't move. My ragged breathing inhaling her cheap perfume. What the fuck did she think she was doing?  
  
When she spoke, she used a long, garishly red nail to trace my cheek. In a voice she meant to be seductive, she whispered.  
  
"Draco, i have a proposal to make." She had made it sound like business as if she were a bloody prostitute!  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I managed to splutter.  
  
"This." And then the little slut kissed me. It was disgusting. Her tongue choked me and her lips tasted like some one knut lipstick. She even tasted like the nasty perfume she was wearing. In that one quick second of that *kiss*, i think i had lost all future appetite.  
  
I none to gently pushed her away and before i could even open my mouth she pressed herself against me again. I was reminded extremely of why i prefered my butter on the other side of my toast.  
  
"Drakkie..." Dear Lord, she resembled Pansy Pug-faced Parkinson at that exact moment. "Harry doesn't give me the pleasure i need. He's too pure. All we ever do is kiss. And he doesn't even use tongues! I want to be pleasured, " she leered.  
  
At that exact moment i felt like slapping her. Of course Harry Potter was pure. The boy was virginal! He was sweet and innocent and upheld the beliefs of sex after marriage. And that boy did not deserve a bitch like her.  
  
I never got to say all that to her because she pressed her overglossed lips onto mine again.  
  
And then i heard a strangled voice. "Ginny?" It was Harry himself in all his humble glory.  
  
He looked awfully pained and i felt a surge of guilt to be taking away from his only Love. His only Happiness. I felt as if my walking through the Charms Corridor had sparked this whole encounter. If i hadn't been there, Harry would still be happy with the Weasley Whore I felt my face burn with guilt and i realize now that it must have looked like i really had seduced that bint away from him. Stolen her away.  
  
He probably thinks that i took her away from him just to spite him and then kidnap him for myself. As if i'm really that vindictive.  
  
He probably hates me even more now.  
  
He had taken in the scene with his eyes and then that fucking bitch turned to him with watery eyes and said as if relieved.  
  
"Oh Harry, i'm so glad you came. Malfoy just all of a sudden *molested* me!"  
  
I felt my hands clench up. Since when did that lame excuse of a kiss turn into molestation and since when did I molest her?! She was going to rape me if he hadn't come along.  
  
As usual, i never did get to say my piece as Harry punched me right in the eye and hugged his beloved cheating girlfriend and whispered condolences and sweet nothings into her ear.  
  
He glared at me as i ran off, unable to spend another second there in the corridor with Harry and not pushing away that thing and holding Harry and calling him my own.  
  
So now here i am, in my room, torn from beating the little Weasel Whore senseless, beating Harry senseless for being so blind, or beating myself senseless. I already have one black eye and Father always said that symmetry was a beautiful thing.  
  
If only they hadn't taken away my sharp protruding objects and bewitched my wand to perform harmful curses. Damn them all.  
  
But i suppose i'll have to thank that Weasel for giving me back the fire in my eyes. But people that you shouldn't play with fire and now they're all about to find out why.  
  
~Draco Malfoy  
  
~TBC~  
  
Please review ^_^ Thanks to all those who reviewed! 


	7. Entry 7

Dear Journal,  
  
I entered the Great Hall for breakfast, and i swear on the Malfoy's family fortune that the entire Hall hissed when i walked in. They all hissed simulataneously before falling silent. All regarding me with quiet eyes full of loathing. Loathing that i had made their Goldenboy's life one of turmoil. The Hufflepuff table looked scandalised, the Ravenclaws eyes were twitching, the Slytherins regarding me with quiet disgust, and the Gryffindors' eyes contained an extremely bitter hate. A look of extreme loathing. Snape was staring me in disappointment. You could hear a pin drop a mile away, it was so silent. But noisy with festering anger.  
  
A Malfoy never loses his cool, not when a thousand students and faculty are staring at him in silent anger, not even when the one he loves is glaring at him with ice cold daggers. Except for me, Draco Lucius Malfoy.  
  
I had looked upon the hall in cooly, in a disturbingly unruffled calm despite all the hot rage i was feeling inside. I let my gaze sweep across the room before taking my usual place at the head of the Slytherin table. I looked down at the food and sneered, putting on my Completely-Without-A- Doubt-Utter-Bastard act. I picked up a piece of toast and flipped it over and buttered it on the other side.  
  
Pansy, the weed in the garden of slytherin Eden latched herself to my side posessively, and said disgustedly, "I can't believe you kissed that Mudblood lover...that *Gryffindor*" She spat out the word as if it tasted nasty. Nasty like her.  
  
I gave her one of my most patented death-glares, and even imy House's state of disgust they still knew better than to upset a Malfoy. Pansy turned away not daring to look at me, or experience my wrath.  
  
It was the Weasel who broke the deathly silence.  
  
He stood up and stalked over to where i sat and screamed the obscenities that everyone else wanted to shout at me. I let his words wash over me, ony hearing, "Harry. . .hate. . .Harry. . .love"  
  
It was his final words that set me off. Sent me flying out of my composed exterior into a blinded rage. "Put your dirty, filthy ferret claws on something so pure?"  
  
I stood up immediately and pounded my hands loudly on the table and eggs went flying. The hall fell even more silent. Not a breath was heard. I spat out my words dangerously. Quietly. But with so much venom and malice that no one could miss it.  
  
"What makes you even think that i would want to put my dirty, filthy "ferret claws" on that thing you call your sister. On that whore?" My voice took up more volume as out of the corner of my eye i saw that slut pick up a piece of sausage and slowly eat it, in an extremely suggestive manner. I have never seen anyone "deepthroat" a sausage before, and i never want to see anybody that Harry Potter dates "deepthroat" a goddamned sausage.  
  
"Even if my hands are so dirty, i don't want to get more filth on them." I glared at the Weasel Slut who seemed not even to notice my insults.  
  
Some idiot Hufflepuff then asked, "Then why'd you kiss her?"  
  
My eye began to twitch so much that the Ravenclaw table could have stopped. "I did NOT kiss her! I never would want to, never will, and has anyone ever stopped to think that i was the victim in this?! That MY personal space was invaded?" My voice had turned whiny, and pathetic.  
  
Weasel snorted, "My *sister* kiss you? When she has Harry?" He began to laugh.  
  
I cracked my knuckles ominously, "Well, if you hadn't noticed the disgustingly, garishly painted face of hers, you might notice that she wouldn't WANT Harry fucking Potter, being the little whore that she is."  
  
The bloody irish wanker, Seamus Finnegan stood up too, "What about you then eh? You've stuck your tongue and various other things in more places that anyone can count!" Bullcrap when coming from the Gryffindor slut himself.  
  
Harry had stood up now and began valiantly sticking up for his girlfriend. It was so sweet, but so useless as what he called his girlfriend was really a bloody cheat. Throughout his accusations my eyes remained on his mouth. His pink perfect mouth, now with spittle flying out of it in his rage.  
  
After a while i could take it no longer, "I DID NOT KISS THAT LITTLE WHORE! WHY WOULD I?! I DON'T EVEN LIKE GIRLS! AND YOU, POTTER, SHOULD KNOW EXTREMELY WELL WHO THE HELL I WOULD FANCY KISSING." And with that, i took a few forceful strides and pulled him in and clamped my mouth over his. He gave a shout of protest.  
  
The Hall was silent once more. Uncle Severus closed his eyes resignedly.  
  
I had learned the hard way why Malfoy's should never lose their cool. I felt my jaw crack as Harry pushed me away roughly, his cheeks pink from anger, and I saw a flash of red hair before a fist connected with my jaw. The Weasel.  
  
But it was Harry's expression that hurt me the most. Again. Why? Why Harry? Why do you hate me so much?  
  
I sweeped out of the hall back into my dorm, locking it from any disgruntled Housemates.  
  
I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.  
  
I have put myself out into the open. Exposed my one weakness. Humiliated myself in front of all of Hogwarts.  
  
I was a fucking laughingstock of Hogwarts. Kissing Harry Potter in the middle of the great hall and being rejected.  
  
I've been rejected, once, twice, thrice, and then more by him. Never publicly.  
  
A Malfoy is never rejected. Never humiliated. Until me.  
  
The world really has it out for me.  
  
Father read me a fairy tale story once. It ended in happily ever after. Two people, two very unlikely people sharing a happily ever after.  
  
I wish upon a star that Harry will realize how wrong he is and sweep me off on his Firebolt into the horizon.  
  
Take me away. Love me. Even for just one second.  
  
Look upon me without hate or disgust but in love. The way he looks at the unworthy Weasely daughter of satan.  
  
Why can't he see? Why can't he love me? Why does he always push me away?  
  
He could even indulge me for one second. But he won't.  
  
Why? And then sometimes i'll see him staring at me with pity. Always pity.  
  
Never love.  
  
Never.  
  
~Draco Malfoy  
  
P.S. I never did get to strangle that little Weasel bitch either. Damn.  
  
~TBC~  
  
Please review ^_^ Thanks to all those who reviewed! 


	8. Entry 8

Dear Journal,  
  
It was the strangest thing. The strangest feeling. A kind of tug on my heart that pulled me back into reality. A cold splash of water over my face, waking me up and making me realize. Making me realize what i truly want. What i really need.  
  
It had been in the middle of the night, when everything was asleep. The stars up in the blackened night sky, glittering tiredly. I had slipped through the halls like a ghost, not bothering to put on my invisibility cloak. I exited out the main door and sat down on my favorite rock with the perfect view of the lake. I gazed out stonily at it, silently reflecting.  
  
Earlier today, i had heard the Weasel and the Mudblood alone in the library together whispering. I had peered over my dusty old text at them, eavesdropping. Granger was saying something about soul mates and love, staring up affectionately at Weasel as she spoke. I had almost laughed then. Such silly premonitions about fancy laced valentines and moonlit kisses. Absolute fantasy. Absolute fiction.  
  
Love had nothing to do with hearts and rings; it was a brutal pain without the blood or bruises but still forever leaving a scar.  
  
But her words caught at me, pulled me in. It made me feel little again, hanging on words those fairy tales that father told me. Granger was speaking of love as if it was a poem, a bestowed gift, like a precious stone. Priceless. Beautiful. And i wanted it.  
  
And while sitting on my rock in the middle of the night watching the giant squid paddle lazily, Potter had somehow ended up sitting next to me. His breath coming out in soft, wispy puffs, his cheeks pink from the cold. He had sat down with a russly, and i saw him out of the corner of my eye, and i felt my heart stop again as always.  
  
I felt incredibly warm even in the cold, my skin burning.  
  
But his words chilled me.  
  
His speech was hollow, forced. I found myself barely gripping his meaningless sentences.  
  
He mumbled something about Ginny. Something nasty. The word bitch was in there somewhere. A backstabbing bitch.  
  
And then he told me how he wanted us to start over. That we should make it work. that i would never hurt him, that i loved him too much.  
  
I was the rebound boy. Something for him to have while he was heartbroken. Just a means of support for him.  
  
And he was indulging me like i hoped he would. He was taking me away.  
  
But he wasn't loving me. Because he never would.  
  
His heart had been shatte red by another and would only be mended by that one person. He has been touched, his edges worn. He was now second hand, willing to settle for anything.  
  
Grangers words had come back to me. Her talk of Love and soulmates. Perfection.  
  
A Malfoy never settles for anything other than the best and neither will i.  
  
And i told him so before getting up and turning away. Too scared to look back and rethink my actions. Too scared i would become too weak and succumb to his needs and become his whipping boy.  
  
If i'm going to have Potter, i want to have all of him. His love, his devotion. When he kisses me he would think of me and only me.  
  
And if i can never have Potter in this way, then i will just be perfectly happy looking at him. Just looking. Until that one day he will look at me the same way. His edges renewed.  
  
I wanted fancy laced valentines and moonlit kisses, hearts and rings, poetry. I wanted that fantasy.  
  
I needed that fantasy.  
  
And even if he's willing to give me just a few stolen kisses and hugs just enough to sate his own needs, he still won't be giving me any of that.  
  
I want Harry Potter, I need Harry Potter, I love Harry Potter.  
  
I want him. Not his kisses or attention but him. All of him.  
  
And i won't settle for anything less.  
  
~Draco Malfoy  
  
TBC  
  
Please review and muchos thanks and love to reviewers!!! 


	9. Entry 9

Dead Journal,  
  
It's quite disconcerting. Harry Potter won't stop looking at me. I feel as though i'm stalked. His round, glowing green eyes stare at me as if boring into my very soul. All his gazing makes me feel studied, scrutinized, and inspected. It's not as if he's the only one watching and looking at me. It seems as though after my little outburst a couple of day's earlier has made popular the sport of Draco-scoping (not that the sport's new of course). But Harry's not staring at me and whispering about my behaviors in gossipy chit-chat, but rather he's staring at me and memorizing my behaviors and actions in his brain. Sometimes when he looks at me, he squints his eyes like he's really concentrating on analyzing my every move. His cute little pink tongue sticks out and he bites his lip, his brow furrowed, like he's trying to make sense of the enigma that is me. I've begun to make bets with myself on when he'll begin drooling.  
  
Well, at least i hope he will. I think i would die of a heart attack if he did. Just his looking at me makes my heart thump a hundred kilometers per hour.  
  
This afternoon, i was absentmindedly skipping stones by the lakefront, when i heard a muffled 'ow' in the nearby bushes. As my curiosity got the better of me to investigate, i realized that the muffled 'ow' was Harry Potter himself, playing the role of a Peeping Tom. I believe my heart had stopped beating all together, or was beating way to fast for me to distinguish between thumps. Harry Potter was spying on me.  
  
It hadn't been my imagination after all, but Potter was there. Following my every move, watching me. This revelation should have disturbed me, but instead it made me all warm inside.  
  
I cherish the very thought of Harry stalking me. It makes me feel wanted, and maybe even needed. For the very first time, he is the hunter and i am his prey. I feel an exhilirating thrill rush down my spine at this newfound discovery.  
  
I don't know why he's watching me like a cat watches a mouse, but all i know is that i don't want him to stop.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
TBC  
  
Endnote: All will be explained much better in Harry's journal if you get confused as to why Harry's stalking our pretty little sex God. Heee!  
  
Please review and muchos thanks and love to reviewers!!! 


	10. Entry 10

Dear Journal,  
  
I've always thought of myself as intelligent, even more so than the Mudblood. I've got charm, i've got wit, and i've got looks. But around Harry Potter i lose all of that. Around him, i lose everything but my looks as those can never truly fade away. But i lose my most powerful weapons. My charm, my wit, and my intelligence. I am reduced to nothing but a drooling pile of jelly and my brain just starts singing catching bubblegum pop songs.  
  
Under his gaze i feel my my bones crumbling, my heart pounding, my mind spinning, my body trembling. All the side affects of being in love. My mask falls to the ground as though i were at a masquerade and i found the belle of the ball and gently remove my mask before i sweep her (in this case him) into my arms and kiss him dramatically.  
  
Father always told me i was too dramatic. But i like fireworks, i like stars, i like everything drawn out to it's extreme and precise measurements. to perfection.  
  
Harry Potter is perfection.  
  
I can't help falling in love with him. I want him to take my hand, my life, my heart, my soul. It's all his. Just his everlasting gaze makes me wrap up my world into a box with a silk ribbon to hand to him. And i did.  
  
He kissed me today. At first i thought Vincent had slipped something into my pumpkin juice, until i felt Harry's nails dig into my skin, claiming me as his forever. His lips tasted even sweeter and his strong embrace melted me like chocolate sitting out too long in the sun. A delicious melting pill of sweet goo. And my brain just stopped. My heart just stopped.  
  
Harry Potter was kissing me. Not the other way around. He was truly kissing me. He was kissing me with the force of a thousand storms. with a violent tenderness i never expected. There were fireworks, there were stars. It was perfection.  
  
I don't know how it happened or why it happened, but fate has always had a sense of humor. I guess it happened when it had too. When it was the right time. And it was. It was the perfect time. It was simply. Just simply. Just simply lovely.  
  
I was sitting out under the stars by the lake, when i felt warm arms around me and judging by the rate of which my heart was beating, i knew it could only be one person. And he held me for a while, his heart beating in synchronization with mine, before he tilted my head and kissed me.  
  
I lost all coherent thought as soon as his lips touched mine.  
  
Beautiful. Perfect.  
  
I was always his. It was meant to be that way. I was his princess, he was my knight in shining armor who only had to get past the dragon to rescue me from the old abandoned tower.  
  
And today, my knight rescued me and we rode off into the horizon. He kissed me with his soft lips and then whispered those three words i'd been waiting for all my life.  
  
I love you.  
  
My prince loves me.  
  
Harry Potter loves me.  
  
~Draco Malfoy. The Boy Who Was Loved  
  
***FIN***  
  
Endnote: Squeezbots! G to S is done! And now Harry's Journal will begin. Look for it under "Stupid for a While, The Diary of Harry Potter." It'll clear a lot of things up. Note that his diary isn't a sequel but corresponds with G to S.  
  
Please review and muchos thanks and love to reviewers (if I left you out I'm really sorry). (Crystalhorse72, Megharts, Lunaledafe, BlancheMalfoy, Pepsi, Moonchild, Madame Berserker, Squeebat, Ravishingly Discreet, zara, harrypotterfreak, caty, anonymous, ass, flutegirl, cat, squashy galoshes, Ladyblondehair, Cuey Chan, Millie Chan, wblrged, kei~kei, Aishiteru Tenshi, Dia, Lady Chaos, bandersnatch, lioness wildfire, and Lady Rillen.) ::hugs all:: 


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